Ep. 9 of The #staymarried Podcast: Stonewalling Sets You Up for Failure

The #staymarried PODCAST - series featuring The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John GottmanOkay, so we took a little break. We did give you some tips on getting through the holidays, which you should listen to again. But, we’re back with Episode 9 of The #staymarried Podcast! In this episode we’re bringing you the final Don’t of The Seven Do’s and Four Don’ts for a Long and Happy Marriage.

If you’ve missed an episode, here’s what we’ve covered so far…

♥ Ep. 1 – Intro to The #staymarried Podcast and The Gottman Institute
♥ Ep. 2 – Do #1 – Exploring Love Maps
♥ Ep. 3 – Do #2 – Nurture Fondness and Admiration
♥ Ep. 4 – Don’t #1 – Criticism is a Relationship Killer
♥ Ep. 5 – Don’t #2 – Contempt is Sulfuric Acid for Love
♥ Ep. 6 – Do #3 – Finding Romance in the Little Things
♥ Ep. 7 – Do #4 – Accepting Each Other’s Influence
♥ Ep. 8 – Don’t #3 – Defensiveness Will Drive You Apart

Today, in Episode 9, we’ve got the final DON’T – Stonewalling. This is the fourth of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”, so it is definitely one to identify and work through. This episode will teach you both…

As always, this series is based on the New York Time’s Bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work because those researchers are smart and they know what they are talking about.
Ok, go ahead and have a listen…

The #staymarried PODCAST - series featuring The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

 The #staymarried blog was created to offer hope, stories, and resources for couples who want to stay married.

If you found this post helpful, we would be honored if you would share it. Our big dream is to see more and more people living in happy and healthy marriages!

Tony and Michelle Peterson #staymarriedIf you’re NEW HERE, check out our About Page and read a little more about my own background on our first post. You can also find us on the socials: PinterestTwitterFacebook, and Instagram. I’d love to connect on any of your favorite platforms.

Thank you for reading, sharing, and being a part of this #staymarried community!

~ Michelle

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7 responses

  • I’m not quite finished with the podcast, but I have to say that I am seriously tearing up right now and have had to pause it so I can process it. I am in a relationship with a man and we are both guilty of stonewalling. Because of his childhood of abuse and neglect, I believe he does it as a way to say ‘you can’t get to me,’ and I understand that. I’ve understood it for quite awhile. I never really understood why I stonewall. I don’t believe it’s a powerplay and I don’t fear negativity. Listening to your explanation of your introvertedness and stonewalling gave me chills. I, too, am introverted. I hate talking when I don’t have a clear handle on what I’m going to say and I require time to process my own thoughts after I’ve listened to my partner’s concerns. I know that words make or break a situation and I am very careful that what I’m thinking is what comes out of my mouth. My partner prefers to barrel through and is not really concerned with the rhetoric as he is with the process of hashing it all out. When I’m introvertedly stonewalling, he has said it makes him feel like he doesn’t matter. That I’m ignoring him. And that is furthest from the truth, but no matter how I try to explain how I listen and process, it always comes down to “you ignore me.” I’ve tried to force myself to say things when we are in a discussion, but I literally can’t speak while I’m making the effort to listen and process. Our discussions never end well because he feels ignored and dismissed and I feel scattered. :/

    • Oh Barbie!!!
      I can completely identify! I hope you did finish the podcast and I hope it helps you navigate a new conversation with your partner. Sometimes it just takes hearing it from someone else – which is one of the many reasons we love counseling, too. Thanks for sharing. The struggle is all too real!

  • This podcast was amazing! Michelle you have given me words and an idea of what was going on in my head when I stonewall!!! This is amazing! I am actually, for the first time, excited for when my husband and I have another conflict! I now have a gameplan for when I feel like stonewalling and that is going to help my husband and I so much! Because my husband is very much like Tony in wanting to just talk everything out. Thank you guys so much!

  • My wife, asked me for a divorce almost 3months ago after stonewalling me for 10months separated. I’m broken.

  • I haven’t received papers yet which is hope to me. I hate divorce with a passion. I love my wife, she is my greatest treasure. But my wife doesn’t want me anymore. I knew her since she was 14 & I was 17. Married her in 2012 when she was 20 & I was 23. I miss my wife incredibly but maybe I have to accept that she meant what she said that she doesn’t love me anymore & doesn’t want me in her life.

    I’m so grateful to God for keeping me standing through the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, I truly wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.