Season 2 Ep. 5 of The #staymarried Podcast: What if I Didn’t Marry My Soul Mate?

Season 2 Episode 5 of The #staymarried Podcast: What if I Didn't Marry My Soul Mate?Many of us imagine that marriage should come naturally… if we’re with the right person. So, if it’s difficult, we figure it might be because we are with the wrong person. We see this theme a lot when we look through the questions you’ve submitted at Ask #staymarried.

In today’s episode of The #staymarried Podcast Tony and I answer Nikky’s question, “How do I know if we’re meant to be together or if it’s for the best if we go our separate ways?”

Here’s Season 2, Episode 5 of The #staymarried Podcast


The problem with the soul mate mentality is that none of us really are the right person for anyone else. We each come into our marriages with our own set of weird habits, temper triggers, and childhood traumas. Even great marriages, where two people are as compatible as any two people ever could be, still require work. Marriage becomes a journey, not only to discover more about the person we’ve committed our lives to, but also to discover ourselves.Season 2 Episode 5 of The #staymarried Podcast: What if I Didn't Marry My Soul Mate?

We would love to know what you think of soul mates! How do you approach this idea in your own marriage? Have you been in Nikky’s shoes, wondering whether or not you married the right one? Comment below and let us know if you have any insight or words of wisdom for us or for Nikky. One thing we know for sure is that we’re all just trying to figure this marriage thing out and find out if it’s possible to #staymarried.

Want to read more about this topic? Check these out…

Does Marriage Really Have to Be Hard Work?
♥ Six Conversations Every Couple Must Have

 The #staymarried blog was created to offer hope, stories, and resources for couples who want to stay married.

Don’t forget to submit your questions right here: Ask #staymarried! We would love to help you navigate your way to a long and happy marriage!

If you found this post and podcast helpful, we would be honored if you would share it. Our big dream is to see more and more people living in happy and healthy marriages!

Tony and Michelle Peterson #staymarriedIf you’re NEW HERE, check out our About Page and read a little more about my own background on our first post. You can also find us on the socials: PinterestTwitterFacebook, and Instagram. I’d love to connect on any of your favorite platforms.

Thank you for reading, sharing, and being a part of this #staymarried community!

~ Michelle




Season 2 Episode 5 of The #staymarried Podcast: What if I Didn't Marry My Soul Mate?

7 thoughts on “Season 2 Ep. 5 of The #staymarried Podcast: What if I Didn’t Marry My Soul Mate?

  1. My Apple dictionary defines soulmate as a person ‘ideally suited’ to another. Do we ‘find’ our soulmate? Do we ‘marry’ our soulmate? The experts say no. Could a couple ‘become’ soulmates after a long committed relationship? Quite possibly.

    Here’s a quote about the topic of soulmates from the June 13 cover story “How To Stay Married (and why) in TIME magazine.

    [quoting now] Another helpful adjustment is to drop the idea of finding a soulmate. “We have this mythological idea that we will find a soulmate and have these euphoric feelings forever, ” says [Gary] Chapman. In fact, soulmates tend to be crafted, not found. “There are tens of thousands of people out there that anyone could be happily married to,” says [Dr. John] Gottman. “And each marriage would be different.” So how do you make a soulmate? Practice, practice, practice. [Karl] Pillemer observed that long-married couples he interviewed always acted as if divorce was not an option. “People really had the mind-set they wanted to stay married.” In fact, of the 700 elderly people he surveyed for his book 30 Lessons for Loving, “Everybody – 100%– said at one point that the long marriage was the best thing in their lives. “But all of them also either said that marriage is hard,” he adds, “or that it’s really, really hard.”

    Bottom line, did I marry my soulmate. No, but neither did my wife. Our first 7 years were a train wreck. But then we hit reset. Now, after 42+ years of committed love, through countless ups and downs, we’ve learned to bring out the best in each other. I don’t know the exact day, but today I’d say we’re ‘ideally fit’ for one another – soulmates!

  2. I have loved listening and relistening to your podcast after luckily finding you on Pinterest, (I think I searched something like, “why is my husband so defensive”, lol), and I loved this episode. My mantra to my 13 yr old daughter is, you are the only one that can decide if you have a good day and you are the only one that can decide if you have a bad day. No one can make you have a good day. No one has the control over you to force you to have a bad day. That is so important for each individual It’s important for adults and millennial’s alike to own their actions and feelings. I’m a liberal feminist but I love that I can draw strength as a wife in believing in me, believing in my husband, and believing in us. We are a team of individuals. Much love to you Petersons.

    1. Ha! Defensiveness is such a common topic! I’m so glad you found us and that you’re enjoying #staymarried. Team of individuals, I like that! Thanks so much for chiming in, Brittany <3

  3. Hi! Thanks for this post. We’re on the same page in so many ways. I never believed in the idea of a soul mate, and never believed i had married the wrong man. I was committed to him and never felt entitled to ‘happiness’. I never expected him to fill some void in me. I thought God had called us to be together, and we were for 14 years, and 3 kids. I knew and agreed that marriage would be really hard work. My point is that there are people out here that really are better off getting away from their spouse, and sometimes the best thing ends up just being the least crappy thing. I am 100% pro-marriage, but not if staying together is utterly detrimental to a spouse or the children. I just wanted to offer a bit of a different perspective because it’s super hard for someone in a marriage like i was to read blogs like this and feel even more isolated. I’m so much healthier now that away from him. As much as it absolutely sucks to be starting my life over at 38 years old, and not having any mental energy left for anything other than my kids and job, i am safe and free and completely in love with life like i was before my marriage had taken its toll.

    1. Btw, along with seemingly everyone else in the universe, I’ve started to chronicle my journey by creating a blog. Might not be the same feel as yours, but it’s my experience. 🙂

      Thanks again for putting yourself out there and sharing your passion with the world!

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